Would I dare be QUIET?

It has been interesting. While I know no one actually reads my blogs, for once maybe its good to put some of what I am beginning to feel into words... words that actually can be seen and not spoken to thin air.


Long has it been since I have had a quiet spell. Tumultuous times pursued me approximately a year four months ago. To say that I was in shambles simply wont cut it. At that point, a glimpse of the Lord, i believed, would save me.


Don't get me wrong. I believe in God. I believe in Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. I believed also that I was an abject failure in His eyes. I also believed that I had to correct the situations I was in by myself, using my own ways before I was worthy to receive His grace and peace. Little did I know, how wrong I was. It always has to be about me... as a pastor I heard on the radio say "What about me...me me me me me.... its all about me!". Believe me, when she said it on the radio, it sounded rather annoying. Imagine how annoying it will be for our Father in heaven having us always talking about "me me me me me!!!"?


Situations a year and four months ago was no way in favor of me. Why you may ask. Well, I thought I knew how to handle my problems. I believed that when I thought of a solution, it was the right one. Being the optimist that I am, I believed even the most lofty of goals were achievable despite little or no activity. And when this wonderful strategies and plans failed to worked, I simply looked for a reason or an excuse why it did not work. And almost all the time, I was just a victim.


It was precisely this confluence of events that brought the wheels to a grinding halt in January of 2011. At this point, sitting almost at the curb of the street, contemplating how morbidly twisted my situation was, did I begin to realize how shallow I have been. I begin to realize that no man made strategy was going to get me out of my rut but the steady hand of the Lord.


And thus begin the most challenging and hair raising moments of 2011. It was in these moments I begin to realize that I need the Lord every moment of the day and not like an espresso shot in the morning. It was also then that I realized He was constantly with me. 


Remember the steady hand of the Lord I spoke about.... Ahhh yes, indeed it was STEADY alright. The Lord picked me up from the miry and begin to form me out of the nothing I was to a new person. I acclaimed" AHHH... I am a new man. All my troubles have passed. I am rebuilt by God for a greater purpose. Nothing can touch me now!!" Oh, if only I had knew that the journey had just begun.


Indeed the Lord rescued me from the bulk of the problems that I was facing since January 2011. January, Feburary, March, April, May and the months kept on going. More and more I as convinced that I was on the right place. Yet, little did I know that the real issues were going to be faced up soon. 


Come 2012, and still I was not aware of the all the noise that was creeping into my life. A major issue from 2011 had already been cleared. I believed that I was now free to receive the great supernatural blessings that He had in store for me. So I waited. Waited. And Waited! Turning to the sky, I cried out to the Lord, saying "Lord, I have done what I need to do, but why cant I see my blessing?", So to procure His blessing, I busied myself with many more things. 


I worked two jobs, involved myself in many Church programs and pretty much made sure that I had no time to really stop and be still. The noise persisted. It was gaining momentum. However, like a feedback from very gainy microphone, the annoying noise was begining to rear its ugly little head from time to time and I desprately tried doing more things to keep it from begin heard. I needed to be still and silent. I need to grab hold of my surroundings and take stock of what I was doing. I needed to be in silent for a while. But how could I? I was so involved. Everybody needed me. So I dismissed it. I told myself i can handle this. 


Yet, even with all the self affirmation, the need to be silent grew stronger.


It is interesting how our minds can block out almost everything except the need for silence. I tried ignoring the silence. Repeatedly did I try to busy myself to rid myself for this need for silence. Why was the silence so deafening? At this point of my life, I was not easily shaken. I was not fearful, so why could'nt I try to be silent? What was I afraid of? 


Often , when I feel that I have been blessed by the Lord or simply, if I feel that the Lord has been so wonderful to me, I find the motivation to serve him more. I take up more responsibilities and task, almost as if I want to pay Him back for his kindness to me. Little did I realize that all He wants me to do is to commune with Him.


Commune? My my, why the heavy handed word you may ask. As with almost everything with the Lord, the bigger the word, the smaller the action he requires from us. He was refered to as "I AM" in the bible. The sheer mention of these words "I AM" would send men flying face down on ground, armies become disarrayed and men are reduced to a pile of nothingness. It is also with these 3 alphabets of "I AM" did God raise men from nothingness to greatness, a nation from disarray to splendour and raised men from burying their faces to the ground to walking side by side with Him... anyways....


So I finally came to terms with myself, took a day off and spent the 6 whole hours in the Blessed Sacrament. And boy, was our good Lord ready to talk. He spoke the whole time I was there. Spoke about why He had asked me to take the day off, why I was feeling restless all the time and what He wanted me to do going forward.


I would take a five minutes walk every hour just to stretch the legs, and even during that time, the Lord kept speaking. It was then I realized. Being with the Lord, not doing something, not serving    Him, but taking time, making time or setting aside time just to sit with Him made Him, the Lord of the universe, the Star Breather, the Almighty God leaps for joy and rushes to be with you. 


To use an analogy, it's like making an appointment to meet the American President and he accepting your request, cancelling all other plans for the day and the best part, as you drive up, he's right there at the entrance waiting for you and never leaves your side the whole day. And all thru the day, he is just simply so happy that you wanted to spend time with him. I know, the analogy pales in comparison to what our Lord feels, but thats the best one I can think of. 


So back to my day with the Lord. I have this fantastic time with Him. Mind blowing and yes, when I finished the 6th hour, I felt I could go one further. As I walked out of the Blessed Sacrament, I felt lighter, happier and almost like walking on a air. I was chirpy and attentive and not an ounce tired (stark comaprison to having a short half hour meeting with my boss which usually leaves me drained...), mostly, I felt like I had really communed with Him.  


So the question begs to be asked... if this was the experience I had, just spending time in silence with Him, an experience so wonderful and magnificient, then why was I pushing it away?             Why was I afraid of the silence?


Even before I could ask these questions let alone find the answers, my life caught up with me and I was back on the train of work, ministry , work, ministry and etc. I found myself wanting to now go back to the time with Him, but my schedule would not allow me.... or was I looking for excuse once again to not spend time with Him? Would I dare to spend time in silence with Him again? Would I dare to make the time to be Quiet? 


WOULD I DARE TO BE QUIET?